Friends

My friends threaten to cut me off,
if I cut myself.
if I do drugs (few times a year).
if I spend money senselessly.
if I continue smoking.
if I am who I am.

The one,  who initiated it...
cuts himself.
spends money senslessly.
binge eats.
binge drinks.
drives his / my car recklessly.

He does that shit and I am not allowed to do it,  if I want to keep him as a friend.

He makes me suffer and I am not allowed to do anything about it.

His girlfriend starts to copy his opinions...

What should I do?
I am a failure.

Red is beautiful

Glatt wie eine Linie.
Kunst?
ca. 20 x (1 mm x 2 cm)
Mathe?
Braun Typ 10.
Medizin?
Im Bett liegen.
Traum?
Haesslich. Allein. Einsam.

Cuts

Many people ask me about my arm...
But noone asks me about my feelings.

Observer

I am an observer.
I have a very good feeling for subtle emotions between people, like when they're coming together - even before they recognize it.
Very seldomly I was wrong.
Maybe the "Aspergers" diagnosis is disproved by this fact, I totally think so.
However, as I am neither attractive, nor sociable, I know I will never be anything other than an observer.

Love

Some are told how hot they are,
some others have fun at a bar,

Or at a disco, in a club,
and others lifes - are just fucked up.

The pain is slowly getting deep,
but I dont cry or even weep,

I try to make it even more,
I feel like beaten to the floor.

I feel like it's what I deserve,
for using up the others nerves.

Love may be something to achieve,
But I will just make others leave.

I am just ugly - in and out,
It's nothing special thereabout.

Those who I like, I realize,
Won't get them - not in thousand tries.

Do I... ?

Do I need a therapy ?
I don't know if it's just me.

No disorder, not like that.
But all I'm sure - I'm looking bad.

My face is ugly, as I'm told.
It won't get better when I'm old.

My life is messed up to the top,
I often think "Just let it stop."

Too cowardly to do it now,
I often wish I could somehow.

These thoughts, I hid them for some years,
as I did always hide my tears.

Beauty

"True beauty lies in the eye of the beholder." -
They say.

Reality shows me otherwise -
Every fucking single day.